I know you
by Little-Lola2616
Summary: Oneshot. Waiting in the car, Dean considers the many issues he has with his life and his brother. Things he'd never say to Sam out loud.


_Hey hey :D So far all I've done are humor fics of Supernatural but now I decided to do a more... hmm, a more deeper fic! It's a oneshot, enjoy:)_

I know you as well as i know about supernatural, Sam. No secrets, no unkown fears or weaknesses, there is nothing in you that I can't see.

Now I realise how you may not want to believe that, yes I also know that about you, you don't want to lose me. You want to keep yourself from me, just like I keep myself from you, little brother.

You've gone to check into the hotel, while i wait impatiently in my beloved Impala. You say I care more about the car than you, but we both know that's not true. Still, I know you'd like a much wanted chick-flick moment where I will swear to you that I care far more about you than this piece of metal and vow to ram it into a wall before I say I don't care about you. Wishful thinking Sammy boy, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

You're not here right now, I wonder what's taking you so long? I'm getting bored here on my own, it's no fun and I've got no one to tease. When we were younger you called it bullying, remember? Ah, cute. Dude, I saw this weird tv documentary saying that people only bully others because deep down they're insecure or feel bad about themselves, whether it's a consious feeling or not. I'm not insecure, but you've got to understand, haven't you? You're the pain in my ass. And without that resauring pain I'll surely go crazy.

See? You've left the car for ten mintues and I'm already considering my philosphy on life and how I treat you, this waiting really is getting tedious Sammy.

Oh yeah, you don't like being called Sammy do you? I know that too. Of course you're getting used to it now, and I'm the only one that calls you Sammy, especially when a ghost has just run you down or something. Some would call that concern. I know you would, that's for sure.

You're always getting into trouble with the supernatural, don't get me wrong you're very good at your job, hey maybe even one day you'll be as good as me. But you get so hesitant when it comes to destroying them, notice I didn't say kill, you would notice that. You just have to fall for every sob story that falls at your feet, don't you? I warn you to be strong, to be smart, but again you get in trouble and I have to get you out of it because god knows what will happen to you if I don't, what will happen to me... hmm, that I don't know Sam...

When you come back you'll find me slouching against the carseat, my chin resting in my left hand, scanning the car park for girls. Now that would make me sit up right. Yeah I understand I got a bad posture, but that's what a liftetime of hotels, motels and sleeping in the car does to you.

What are we going to eat tonight? I'm starving, you call me a pig but I just have a big appetite. Or maybe it's the fact that we have to skip meals because either we haven't got the money or we haven't got the time. You don't seem to care though, food is the last thing on your mind right now isn't it man? You used to love lucky charms, I know deep down you have a sweet tooth just like me, Dad didn't though.

Dad didn't mean those things he said to you before you left home you know. Wait, yeah, you do know that. I know you and him patched things up before we got into all that trouble, before he died. But there was still so much more you didn't know about him. How he felt. You were the favourite, definetely-despite what you think. I was his little trooper, his soldier, but you were his son, Sam. I envied you, half hated you for that. If I'd had some of the arguements with dad like you did, if I'd had given his the same disrespect as you I would have been hit. Repeatedly.

Of course he did hit you that one time. You ran out the house and I didn't see you for the rest of the night. I never found out where you went Sam, did you get laid?

Back then we didn't speak much Sam. I was always protective of you when growning up, hey man I practically raised you!, but as you grew older you grew less appreciative of it. Running away, walking out the house _again and again_. Come on Sammy, that hurt Dad, you know that... and it hurt me. I couldn't believe you were so ungrateful, do you know how hard it was? Do you? No, you don't. See? I'm right again.

I did try to see it from your point of you. You wanted freedom, a normal life. But you can't have it Sam, and now, I don't think you do want it. Not after the things we've seen together...

Despite how damn pissed I was at you and the way you behaved back then, I always had to look down at my feet when you glanced my way. In your arguements with Dad I mean, espeically the one before you left home for good. You kept looking at me with those brown eyes of yours, silently pleading with me to step in, call it a night. I was always the damn referee. But this time I didn't intervene, I just let it esculate because frankly I was too angry at you to care about what unfair things Dad said to you.

It always hurt me, how unthankful you were. You complained of having little in your life compared to the kids at school but really you were spoiled. Protected. I had to help with the hunts untill it became a part of me, untill I enjoyed it because it was the only rush in my life while you enjoyed the normality of the world. At least now I dragged you down with me, you stupid brat.

Er Sam you should really hurry up now, look what you've got me thinking to myself here. I don't mean it though, I'm just agitated from waiting. I've got a headache so I can't even play my music.

How damn long does it take to check in at a hotel?

I knew I should have gone with you, knowing you, you've probably been hit by a car or fallen down a flight of stairs. Heh heh... Crap now I've scared myself so I'm going to touch wood, looking around for signs of wood in my car I wonder to myself, do you feel the same why I do, Sam? Deep down, do you blame me for all your problems too?

Wait, wait, wait. Now I'm contradicting myself; that's the longest word I know by the way, probably. I _know_ you Sammy. And I know you have these thoughts like I do too, but only for a second, you don't get hung up on them you just carry on with hunting the supernatural and blame them instead. You know why?

It's because we're brothers.

You know, and I know why we have these thoughts. Because we know eachother, and I guess we hate eachother as much as we hate ourselves.

I'm not trying to sound all depressing and full of angst and sorrow man, because I am _not_ like that at all. That's lame. Besides, I can be thankful for the fact that as much as we blame eachother for the lives we lead we know that without eachother we wouldn't have one at all.

You see, you need me Sam.

You need me so much, since childhood, since that fateful night when I carried you out our burning home.

You need me everday Sammy, so I'll be there everday. 'Cos I'm your big brother.

Do I need you too?

Well, before I can think about that I see you walking back to the car with that same dazed expression on your dumb face. Heh heh, it makes me smile a bit.

I mouth, 'Finally!' with my eyebrows raised, I open the door and swing my feet out.

"They got room?" I say, yawning. It's getting late, and we still haven't eaten.

"Yeah we're checked in. Sorry I took so long I went to check out the room first." You answer back, not suspecting any of the deep thoughts that have been bouncing off the walls of the car this whole time.

"How considerate..." Am I being sarcastic? Who knows, who cares. I slam the door of the Impala, not too hard though and grab my duffel from the trunk. Locking it, we walk side by side up to the hotel room.

You notice me glancing at you.

"What?" Your tone is light, 'cos you see I'm grinning slightly.

"What?" Why, I have no idea what you're talking about little brother.

"You keep looking at me." You explain, the grin catching on, not knowing whether to be annoyed or not.

"You need a haircut." There, now you know whether to be annoyed or not.

Perhaps I considered in that fraction of a second that I tell you all my deepest thoughts that consumed me in my long wait in the car. And then I realise I don't have to.

Because whether _I _choose to believe it or not, you know _me._

_I do hope I got Dean's character right... Please tell me what you think!! x_


End file.
